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BASHKËPUNIMI I TË DY PRINDËRVE NË EDUKIMIN E FËMIJËS

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Autor: Prof. Dr. Ekber EJDI

Nëse prindërit në edukimin e fëmijës kanë bashkëpunim dhe pajtim, patjetër do ta arrijnë rezultatin e dëshiruar. Por, nëse ndodh e kundërta, pra nëse kanë mospajtime me njëri-tjetrin, nuk do të arrijnë rezultat të mirë. Fëmija duhet të ketë njohuri për detyrat e tij, në mënyrë që kur babai i thotë ndonjë gjë, nëna ose gjyshja ndonjë gjë tjetër, të mos ngel i hutuar, duke mos ditur si të veprojë. Prindërit janë shembull për fëmijën. Prindërit, duhet të veprojnë në atë mënyrë që vetë fëmija të jetë në gjendje të dallojë dhe përcaktojë sjelljen e mirë dhe atë të keqe. Në shtëpinë, ku prindërit janë të një mendimi të njëjtë, fëmija do të rritet i qetë dhe me sjellje të mirë. Kurse, në atë shtëpi, në të cilën midis prindërve ekziston përçarje, grindje dhe mosmarrëveshje, fëmija do bëhet nevrik, i pamoralshëm dhe i lazdruar.

Edukimi i fëmijëve me anë të veprës e jo të gjuhës

Shumica e prindërve edukimin e konsiderojnë vetëm këshillë, urdhër dhe ndalim. Pikërisht për këtë arsye, në kohën kur fëmija e arrin moshën e adoleshencës dhe e kupton të mirën dhe të keqen, fillon me këshillimin e tij, duke mos pasur parasysh se një veprim i tillë është plotësisht i gabuar. Prindërit duhet ta dinë se edukimi i fëmijës fillon që nga dita e parë e lindjes së tij. Fëmija, me anë të shikimit filmon dhe percepton gjithçka përqark dhe tek ai ndikon çdo sjellje e mirë ose e keqe e prindërve.

Në mënyrë të ngadalësuar, duke u rritur, ai imiton veprat e të rriturve. Fëmija, shikimet e veta i mban vazhdimisht në drejtim të prindërve, sjellja dhe fjalët e tyre, ai e humbet besimin tek ata nëse sheh diçka të keqe. Nëse prindërit dëshirojnë që të kenë një fëmijë të pastër, të zgjuar, dashamirës, të sjellshëm, besimtar dhe bamirës, me anë të veprave duhet t’ia mësojë atij këto vepra të merituara.

Hazret Imam Aliu (a.s.) ka thënë: “Ai i cili është prijës i njerëzve, së pari duhet ta edukojë veten, më pas të edukojë të tjerët me anë të gjuhës, duhet t’ia mësojë sjelljen të tjerëve me anë të sjelljes së mirë të vet”. Ai gjithashtu ka thënë: “Respektoji të rriturit që edhe fëmijët  tuaj t’u respektojnë juve”.

Qëndroni larg konflikteve brenda familjes

Shtëpia është foleja e fëmijës. Fëmija në të ndjen ngrohtësi dhe ndihet i qetë, nëse prindërit janë të afërt dhe dashamirës ndaj njëri-tjetrit, fëmija folenë e gjen të ngrohtë dhe të rehatshme dhe ndihet i qetë dhe i sigurt në të. Në këtë qetësi lulëzojnë talentet dhe potencialet e tij të dhuruara nga Zoti. Kurse grindja dhe konfliktet brenda familjes ambientin e shtëpisë për fëmijët e bëjnë të pasigurt dhe bën që ata të ndihen si zogj pa krahë dhe pendë.

Në kohën gjersa janë të zemëruar dhe grinden me njëri-tjetrin, prindërit nuk janë në dijeni si ndihen fëmijët e tyre! Ata do të dëshironin të largohen nga ajo fole (shtëpia) dhe të bredhin rrugëve e rrugicave, por të tmerruar nga frika struken në një qoshe të shtëpisë dhe vuajnë. Njëri prej kujtimeve më të hidhura të jetës së fëmijëve është shikimi i grindjeve të prindërve. Fëmijët e tillë deri në fund të jetës do të jenë njerëz me komplekse, pesimist, nervoz dhe të hutuar.

Statistikat tregojnë se pjesa dërmuese e fëmijëve rrugaçë dhe të varur nga droga janë pikërisht nga këto familje. Në kohën kur prindërit grinden me njëri-tjetrin, fëmija i gjorë i cili i do të dy prindërit, s’di si të veprojë, cilin prej tyre ta mbrojë, andaj fajëson veten dhe fillon të qajë ose bëhet nervozë dhe zemërak.

Shfaqja e dashurisë gjatë edukimit të fëmijëve

Njeriu është i etur për dashuri. Dashuria ngjall çdo zemër. Çdokush e do veten dhe dëshiron të jetë i dashur dhe për të tjerët. Ai që e kupton se nuk është i dashur për të tjerët ndihet i vetmuar, për këtë arsye gjithnjë është i pikëlluar dhe i hidhëruar. Fëmija është një njeri i vogël dhe për këtë ka më shumë nevojë për dashuri se sa të rriturit. Ashtu siç ka nevojë për ushqim, ka nevojë dhe për dashuri dhe përkëdhelje. Me anë të dashurisë mund ta edukojmë fëmijën në mënyrën më të mirë dhe prej tij të formojmë një njeri të denjë.

Fëmija i cili është rritur në një ambient familjar plot dashuri mund t’i përballojë më lehtë problemet. Fëmija i cili sheh tek prindërit e vet dashuri, gjatë adoleshencës së tij ndihet i mbrojtur, kurse fëmija i cili nuk është rritur me dashurinë e prindërve, është e mundur që në moshën e adoleshencës të anojë nga punët e këqija dhe përdorimi i drogës. Fëmija i cili është rritur në ambient të ftohtë dhe nga ana e prindërve nuk ka pasur dashuri, ndihet i lënë anash dhe i nënçmuar. Ai është i përgatitur për çdo lloj devijimi dhe shtrembërimi.

Zemërimi, inatosja, dhuna, dëshpërimi, ikja nga shtëpia, vetëvrasjet – të gjitha këto i kanë nga rrënjët te mungesa e dashurisë. Një vajzë në letrën e saj shkruan: “Unë meqenëse nuk e kisha dashurinë e prindërve, tani jam një individ me frikë, nervoze, xheloze dhe e dështuar. Gjithnjë ikja nga shkolla dhe tani e kam ndërprerë tërësisht atë”

Është e nevojshme që t’i këshillojmë të gjithë prindërit që në asnjë mënyrë të mos i dëbojnë fëmijët nga gjiri familjar. Allahu Lavdiplotë Pejgamberit Musa (paqja qoftë mbi të) i kishte thënë: “Vepra më e mirë është dashuri ndaj fëmijëve”.

I Dërguari i Allahut (paqja qoftë mbi të dhe familjen e tij) ka thënë: “Duhet t’i dashuroni fëmijët tuaj dhe t’i ledhatoni shumë ata; për arsye se për çdo përkëdhelje që u bëni atyre, grada dhe pozita juaj në xhenet do të lartësohet shumë”.

Një burrë, Pejgamberit të Allahut (paqja qoftë mbi të dhe familjen e tij) i kishte thënë: “Deri më tani nuk kam përdhelur asnjë fëmijë”. Kur burri u largua, i Dërguari i Allahut (paqja qoftë mbi të dhe familjen e tij) tha: “Sipas meje, ai është prej banorëve të xhehenemit”.

I Dërguari i Allahut (paqja qoftë mbi të dhe familjen e tij) gjithashtu ka thënë: “Ai i cili nuk shpreh dashuri ndaj fëmijëve nuk është mysliman”.

Imam Aliu (paqja qoftë mbi të) në testamentin e vet ka porositur: “Tregohuni dashuri ndaj fëmijëve dhe respektoni të moshuarit”.

Dashuria ndaj fëmijës është instinkt natyror. Të pakët janë ata prindër që nuk e duan fëmijën e tyre me zemër por kjo nuk mjafton. Fëmija ka nevojë që ta ndiejë dashurinë e prindërve me anë të ledhatimit, përkëdheljes, përqafimit dhe fjalëve plot dashuri. Ndonjëherë fëmija madje dëshiron të luaj me prindërit. Një pjesë e prindërve e shfaqin dashurinë e tyre vetëm deri në kohën kur ai është fëmijë, ndërsa me rritjen e tij tregojnë më pak dashuri ndaj tij dhe pohojnë: Tani është rritur dhe nëse veprojmë në këtë mënyrë do ta llastojmë. Ata mendojnë se njeriu i rritur s’ka nevojë për dashuri dhe përkëdhelje, ndërsa duhet pasur parasysh që një mendim i tillë është plotësisht i gabuar. Fëmija gjatë gjithë jetës i gëzohet dashurisë së prindërve. I Dërguari i Allahut (paqja qoftë mbi të dhe familjen e tij) ka thënë: “Shfaqeni dashurinë që e ndjeni për një person të preferuar”.

(Revista “Vlera”, nr. 7, nëntor 2011, fq. 40-41)

 

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BashkeshortesiEdukim i FëmijeveFamiljeFëmijet & RiniaIslamologjiKëshille e PytjeMësime IslamePsikologji
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