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DYSHIMI DHE PASIGURIA NË JETËN BASHKËSHORTORE

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Autor: Prof. Dr. Ibrahim EMINI

Nuk është gabim që gruaja ta vëzhgojë burrin e vet, por vetëm nëse ajo nuk kalon në gjendje dyshimi dhe mosbesimi. Dyshimi është sëmundje destruktive dhe e pashërueshme. Për fat të keq, disa gra i janë nështruar kësaj sëmundjeje. Gruaja dyshon se burri i saj, në mënyrë legjitime e jolegjitime, është i pabesueshëm. Ajo mendon se burri i saj është i martuar me ndonjë grua tjetër apo se ka për qëllim të martohet. Ajo dyshon në atë se ka lidhje me sekretaren e vet apo me ndonjë grua tjetër. Ajo e humb besimin në atë për arsye se vjen vonë në shtëpi ose pse e kanë parë duke biseduar me ndonjë grua. Nëse i ndihmon ndonjë gruaje të vejë ose fëmijëve të saj, bashkëshortja mund të mendojë se ai, përveç lëmoshës, ka ndonjë interes tjetër prej saj. Nëse ndonjë grua i jep burrit të saj ndonjë kompliment, duke i thënë se është i bukur dhe i njerëzishëm, ajo me këtë mendon se ai është i interesuar për atë grua. Po qe se gjenë një fije floku në veturën e tij, ajo mendon se ai ka grua tjetër. Gratë me këto mendime dhe me argumente jobindëse, dalëgadalë arrinë të binden në tradhtinë e burrit.

Ato natë e ditë mendojnë në këtë. Gjithashtu për këtë u tregojnë edhe të tjerëve, miqve e armiqve, të cilët në emër të simpatisë i stërmadhojnë pohimet e pabaza dhe si kundërvlerë, grave të dëshpëruara, u tregojnë për meshkujt tjerë të pabesë. Zënkat e qortimet fillojnë të marrin hov. Gruaja fillon të mos i përfillë punët shtëpiake dhe fëmijët, bile edhe mund të shkojë te prindërit e saj. Ajo do ta ndiqte e do t’ia gjurmonte xhepat. Do t’ia lexonte letrat dhe do ta arsyetonte ndonjë gjë banale si shkas i tradhtisë së tij. Ajo me këto sjellje do ta rëndojë jetën familjare dhe shtëpinë do ta shndërrojë në një luftë debatesh e krizash, në të cilën do të vuante edhe ajo vetë. Në qoftë se burri do t’i ofronte argument për pafajshmërinë e tij e të betohej se nuk ka bërë asnjë të keqe ose të qajë, ajo nuk do të ishte e kënaqur. Me siguri se shumica prej nesh kemi kaluar në gjëra të tilla, por do të ishte e dobishme të njihemi me rastet që vijojnë:

Një grua i thotë gjykatësit familjar: “Mos u habitni që pas njëzet vjet jete martesë dhe pas tre fëmijëve kam vendosur të ndahem prej burrit. Jam e bindur se burri më ka tradhëtuar. Para disa ditësh e pashë duke shëtitur rrugës me një grua atraktive. E lexova revistën javore që përmban rubrikën për parashikimin e fatit. Për çdo javë në horoskopin e burrit tim shkruante se do të kalojë çaste të këndshme me njerëzit që janë të lindur në muajin qershor. Unë jam e lindur në shkurt, pra unë nuk bëj pjesë në grupin e atyre që përmenden në horoskop. Përveç kësaj, ndjej që burri im më nuk sillet butë me mua siç sillej më parë”.

Burri i kësaj gruaje thotë: “Ju lutem më tregoni se ç’të bëj?! Më besoni se horoskopi e ka shndërruar jetën time dhe të fëmijëve në gërmadhë. Nëse ndonjëri prej këtyre horoskopeve thotë se këtë javë do të arrihet në një shumë të madhe parash, atëherë ajo vjen tek unë dhe më pyet se ç’ka kam bërë me ato para. Ose, nëse thotë se do të pranoj ndonjë letër, Allahu më ndihmoftë! Unë mendoj se për ne të dy është më mirë të ndahemi, sepse ajo nuk e shfrytëzon logjikën”.

Një mashkull deklaroi para gjyqit: “Para një muaj, pasi u ktheva nga një mbrëmjë gazmore, më luti kolegu im që atë me bashkëshorten e vet t’i dërgojë me veturë në shtëpinë e vet. Të nesërmen më luti gruaja që ta dërgoj te prindërit e vet. Gjatë rrugës, u soll në karrigën e fundit të veturës dhe gjeti disa fije floku. Më pyeti se të kujtë ishin ato flokë. Mbeta i habitur dhe nuk dija t’i jap arsyetim të përshtatshëm. E lash në shtëpinë e prindërve të saj dhe shkova në punë. Kur u ktheva ta marrë po atë natë, nuk pranoi të vijë me mua. E pyeta, për çfarë shkaku? Mu përgjigj se më mirë do të ishte që ai të jetojë me pronaren e atyre fijeve flokësh që kishte gjetur!”

Një grua e re u ankua në gjyq dhe deklaroi: “Burri im, për shkak të punës që po e bën jashta orarit, për çdo natë vjen vonë në shtëpi. Kjo filloi të më demoralizojë, ndërsa dyshimi filloi të rritet nga ajo që flisnin fqinjët e mi. Më thanë se burri im më gënjen dhe se nuk punon natën, porse argëtohet. Për këtë arsye nuk jam e gatshme të jetoj me një gënjeshtarë”. Në atë moment burri nxorri nga xhepi disa letra dhe i vendosi mbi tavolinën përpara gjyqit, pastaj e luti që t’i lexojë me zë në mënyrë që të shfaq pafajësinë e vet dhe ta pengojë sjelljen jo të hijshme të bashkëshortes. Filloi gjykatësi t’i lexojë letrat me zë. Njëra letër ishte matja e kohës pas orarit të punës, prej orës 16:00 deri në orën 20:00. Letrat e tjera, gjithashtu kishin të bëjnë me punën e tij, ku kërkohej prej tij të shkojë në disa seminare. Gruaja doli përpara dhe pasi i shikoi letrat, deklaroi: “Për çdo natë i kam kërkuar xhepat e tij, por nuk kam parë asnjë prej këtyre letrave”. Gjykatësi u përgjigj: “Mund t’i ketë lënë në vendin e punës”. Bashkëshorti i ri u përgjigj: “Mosbesimi i gruas sime aq shumë është rritur ndaj meje sa që kam filluar të dyshoj në të. Për çdo natë keni debate. Dyshoj se kjo dashuron ndonjë mashkull tjetër e dëshiron të ndahet prej meje që të martohet me të. Në atë moment, bashkëshortja e re vrapoi drejt bashkëshortit të vet dhe duke qarë nga gëzimi i kërkoi falje, pastaj që të dy dolën nga gjyqi”.

Një grua duke u ankuar para gjyqit tha: “Njëra nga shoqet e mia më tha se burri im shkon te shtëpia e një gruaje të panjohur. Një ditë e ndoqa dhe u binda se ajo ishte e vërtetë. Tani kërkoj prej trupit gjykues ta dënojë”. Burri, duke e vërtetuar atë që e tha gruaja e tij, tha: “Një ditë u shkova në barnatore që të blej një ilaç. Aty e pash një grua që kishte blerë pluhur qumështi. Nuk kishte para të mjaftueshme ta paguajë qumështin, andaj i ofrova ndihmë. Më vonë e zbulova se ajo ishte një vejushë e varfër. Për këtë arsye edhe vendosa t’i ndihmoj edhe më tej”. Pasi gjykatësi e elaboroi mirë situatën, u bind në të dhënat e tyre dhe e pajtoi çiftin”.

(Revista “Vlera”, nr. 7, nëntor 2011, fq. 34-35)

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