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SI TË DEBATOJMË PA OFENDUAR DHE PA NXITUR URREJTJE?

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Autore: Mr. Arta TAHIRI

Ka një dallim të madh në mes asaj që jemi dhe që do të mund të ishim. Ne shfrytëzojmë vetëm një numër të vogël të rezervave trupore dhe mendore. Thënë në përgjithësi qenia njerëzore jeton nën mesataren e aftësive të tij. Si dhunti ka aftësi të llojllojshme nga të cilat shumicës asnjëherë nuk u nevojiten ato’. William James.

Në ditët e sotme ku jeta është bërë shumë dinamike, ku njeriu përplaset me situata të llojllojshme duke përfshirë këtu dhe ato të pakëndshme dhe të vështira, rrallëherë arrin që në mënyrë racionale të arrijë t’i zgjidhë këto probleme në mënyrën dhe metodën e duhur. Të gjithë thonë se unë kam të drejtë dhe se personi apo subjekti tjetër nuk më vlerësoi dhe nuk u soll si duhet, gjithnjë është tendenca për ta vlerësuar veten tonë ndërkohë duke kundërshtuar dhe ofenduar palën tjetër.

Por që të keni një bashkëbisedim të frytshëm dhe debat pa ofendime atëherë duhet ta filloni bisedën me lavdërime dhe mirënjohje të virtyteve të bashkëbiseduesit. Jo çdo gjë është e errët dhe negative ndaj bashkëbiseduesit, normalisht çdo qenie njerëzore ka anët pozitive dhe negative të saj, kështu që nëse doni ta qortoni një individ atëherë filloni dhe flisni fillimisht për anët pozitive të tij, për virtytet dhe cilësitë e mira që e karakterizojnë atë, por që në mënyrë të pavetëdijshme apo jo ai po sillet në një mënyë të padrejtë ndaj teje duke ju penguar juve të arrini atë që doni. Mundohuni të jeni sa më të qartë dhe të drejtpërdrejtë në dhënien e argumenteve se ku po ju bëhet padrejtësia.

Kur doni ta qortoni bashkëbiseduesin mundohuni ta qortoni atë në mënyrë indirekte, sepse jo gjithmonë njerëzve u pëlqen që t’ia thoni troç se ju jeni gabim ose ju po bëni një gjë të padrejtë, sepse kjo gjë mund të çojë në acarimin e situatës, ku pala e kundërt mund të kundërvihet me argumenta kundër dhe me një sjellje mbase edhe agresive se po i bëni padrejtësi.

Propozimi miqësor vlen më shumë se sa urdhërimi, kështu që shmanguni nga urdhërat direkte apo të folurit me ton urdhërues, por në vend të kësaj preferoni këshillën. Njeriu e ka më të lehtë të pranojë se ka vepruar gabim kur ju e këshilloni atë dhe mundoheni edhe ta ndihmoni atë se sa kur ju përdorni formën urdhëruese dhe kritike ndaj veprimit të tij. Këshilla dhe miqësia me bashkëbiseduesin ju bën një situatë më të favorshme sesa kritika e drejtpërdrejtë.

Gjatë bashkëbisedimit lavdërojeni atë edhe për përparimin më të vogël të tij, sepse mirënjohja është më e mirë sesa qortimi, tregoi personit se besoni në aftësitë e tij dhe kështu ai do të mundohet të arsyetojë besimin tuaj. Kur para jush paraqitet një detyrë e vështirë, mundohuni ta paraqisni atë si të lehtë. Jepini guxim bashkëbiseduesit, dhe bindeni atë se gabimet e veta mund t’i përmirësojë pa shumë mund të madh. Tregoji personit se ato që kërkoni nga ai nuk janë aq të vështira sa duken. E tillë është natyra njerëzore, nxitini ata që me kënaqësi t’i kryejnë detyrat, problemet dhe situatat e pakëndshme dhe asnjëherë mos u mundoni të jeni imponues dhe qortues duke dashur të arrini atë që ju doni.

(Redaksia e revistës “Vlera”, nr. 7, nëntor 2011, fq. 14)




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